what marriage isn't

I feel like sometimes people who aren't married talk about it like it's so much easier than the single life.  News flash: It's not.  Like everything in life, it has its own set of challenges that may be just as difficult as things in a single person's life.  Sometimes I hear people say, "Well you're married and have a dual income so it's easier", or "It's different for you because you don't have to worry about (insert x,y or z)."  Yes, there are certain things that married women don't have to worry about, but there is a (long) laundry list of items that us married ladies DO have to worry about. So let me just straighten out the facts and tell you what marriage isn't...

It isn't an excuse to lose your identity.  So many women lose their sense of personality when they get married all because of this "WE" business.  Well guess what?  "I" comes before "we" and should always come first.  Sure you take care of your significant other, kids and pets, but before you can be the best caregiver for those in your family, you have to start by first taking care of yourself.

It isn't an excuse to stop trying.  Marriage takes work and quite honestly I think you try harder when you're married.  Sometimes it's tougher than the dating stage.  You will change - together and individually -so learning to adapt to that change is much like getting to know your partner again.  Just because you're married and have a partner, doesn't mean that you can coast from here on out - it means you have to continuously try and make it work.

It isn't a reason to lose friends.  It's tough to balance marriage and friends, especially when you are in a different life stage.  While the assumption is that you should spend all your free time with your life partner, reality is that you need to force yourself to spend time with your friends.  Not only is it true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but your friends will be there for you when you need them the most.

It isn't an excuse to let yourself go.  Forget sweats and embrace tight clothing because you still have to impress your significant other.   YES - you STILL have to do that.  Just because you've snagged yourself a good man doesn't mean you let yourself go.  Shave your legs, put on lipstick and wax in necessary parts if needed.  You have your man, now your job is to keep him!

Marriage...it's truly a wonderful thing and I'm so lucky to have such a supporting and loving husband.  But it's true what they say - it's a lot of work.  There's no wrong or right way to be married as long as you are constantly working to make it great for the two of you!