The Conversation about Kids

Lately many of my conversations have been centered around the question of having kids. I have a good mix of friends who are single, married without kids and married with kids, but this topic of having kids has come up a lot lately. Like on the daily. I'll start off by saying that I support whatever your decision is on this to have kids or not have kids pendulum. To each their own and if you know kids are right for you then you go Glen Coco! So for those who are on the fence, let me share some perspective. Not to change your mind, but hopefully solidify what the right decision is for you.

Liam was unexpected. He wasn't planned, but he wasn't not planned if that makes sense. It just happened. In fact when I found out I woke up Matt at 6am after taking 2 tests, cried tears of uncertainty and asked Matt, "Is this ok?" That should be a red flag when you take a pregnancy test right? That I wasn't happy but I was more like "OH FUCK!" Truth be told the first things that crossed my mind was, what is going to happen to our Europe vacation, how are we going to afford this, then is Matt going to be pissed. Well spoiler alert folks - it all ended up ok in the end, but that's not the end of my story.

I've never been a maternal person. I personally always thought that kids were a natural progression of life so kids were always part of the picture, but was I dying to have kids? No. However, life (the little shit it is) works in funny ways and turns out that having a kid saved me, actually us, in ways that we didn't realize. See, Matt and I pre-child were good. Good as in content. Our careers were going good, we finally got to travel more and were able to indulge in things without thinking about how it's eating into our monthly budget. We were good, but when we had Liam it became better and here's how:

Careers: People talk about how kids sometimes makes people re-evaluate their careers and in some cases forego careers temporarily. In our case, it enlightened us to work harder, better and find jobs that we love. Matt worked in finance and hated almost every minute of it. I worked at a great company with great people but would have been totally complacent if I didn't have Liam. Having a child was the right motivation we needed to not only work hard to still enjoy the lifestyle we lead, but he also empowers us to not settle for something that won't make us happy. Why show a kid how to go to a lifeless job you hate, when you should be supporting their life choices to do what they love?

Personal interests: I always say that you can see a parent's best trait in their kids. Having a child keeps you youthful and is a constant reminder of much more there is to live in life. As Liam is finding his groove in activities he likes or doesn't like, I'm re-establishing a connection with some of the things I lost interest in as I got older. Music, playing sports, or even just getting dirty at the playground makes you more aware of what you can still do now as an adult. It's been fun exploring new interests or re-kindling with things I once loved doing...and it's especially fun when I have my buddy to share those moments with me.

Marriage: Ahhh this is the big one because I'm a TRUE believer that people should never have kids to save a marriage. We definitely didn't have a child to save our marriage, but sometimes it feels like he happened to do just that. Had we not had Liam, I think we would have been ok without having kids. Living a life just the 2 of us. But Liam brought our relationship to a whole new level that has made us stronger. Before we felt like a married couple who are vastly different from one another, but it worked because in our case opposites attract. But now we feel like a unified team. We may not agree on hobbies and our personalities may be different, but when it comes parenting and our lifestyle we couldn't be more unified. Overall we have a greater appreciation for each other and I'll just leave this topic by say that everything all around is much better!

Views on life: Perspective. The biggest thing that having a kid has done to me is given me perspective. Without a child I felt like everything happening to me at that moment was the end all be all. But having Liam changed all that. It made me selfless, aware of others around me and is a constant reminder that this moment now (today, tomorrow or next week) is just a blip on the screen. It really is. With a child in the picture you get to experience things in a different way than you did growing up, maybe in some cases better and you realize that there is so much more to life than the things that consume your day to day.

So in a nutshell. I'll leave you with something I told someone last week when we were discussing this very topic. Not a day goes by where I wish I had my life before Liam. To me that says a lot cause I loved my life pre-child, but my life now is way better in ways that I only hope others can experience.

The Good and Bad of 2016

Oh 2016, even though you've been a bit of a bitch to the Hollywood world the last few months, I can't say that it's been my worst year. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that you've been one of my better years and that says a lot with some of the stuff you've put us through. Between job layoffs, the loss of not one, but both of our dogs, and multiple illnesses this year I can say that we had as many downs, as we did ups. While I can sit and dwell on the things I wish would have gone better this year, focusing on the positive is the whole point of NYE, n'est pas? So...2016 as I bid you adieu, I'd like to thank you for some of the great things you brought us...

Travel, travel, travel: Not counting work trips we were really lucky to trek to different places across the US that Liam had never been before and to parts of Europe that we had never explored. We made 8 trips in 2016 (London, Rome, Tuscany, NYC x3, Colorado and San Francisco) and every place except for NY were new places for us to mark on Liam's map.

On each of these trips we were so lucky to experience parts of it with friends or family which leads me to one of my favorite things that happened to us this year....

Reunited with friends and loved ones: This year we were really lucky to see many friends or family that we don't get to see often due to distance. With our travels, we were able to enjoy meals, play dates and even a few days in the hills of Tuscany with some of our favorite people. A few of my favorites were traveling with one of our favorite couples who happen to love international travel as much as we do, introducing Liam to a few of his second cousins, and of course a special surprise trip that one of Matt's best friends from Hawaii made for his birthday. This year has definitely been one for reunions and I hope we can keep up that momentum in 2017.

We bought a house (ok fine a townhouse): On a whim when Matt realized that the market was working in our favor we listed our 2 bed/2 bath condo in one of the most desired neighborhoods in the city. I was emotional about it all because I loved living on Southport, but trying to live in that neighborhood with our price range and what we were looking for would have required a lot out of us. Truthfully, I'd rather live in a box with an opportunity to travel more than have a big home. Big home = more cleaning. No thanks. However, we did need an upgrade so we bought a 4 story townhouse that gave us everything we never knew we needed. Like a 2-car attached garage (which in Chicago attached garages even with a big house is rare), a play/bonus room, a 3rd room that we converted into a mudroom and most importantly, a community. We bought a home that was ideal for us, but our community made it the perfect place.

New friendships: Speaking of community, we made some great new friends this year. Yes a few in our neighborhood, but a others through work, networking and of course Liam. Kids are a perfect matchmaker for friends and as Liam builds relationships with others in his class we get to meet some great people along the way. 

As I finish up this post it hit me that 2016 has been a year of contentment. A year of not dwelling on the bad that hit us this year, but instead seeing it as an opportunity. And a year of not wishing what could have been, but more a year of accepting what it is. It's been a great year of learning and while I can't predict what will happen in 2017, I hope that it's just as positive as this year has been.

Cheers to have happy, healthy and beautiful New Year!

Guilty

I've said this before and I'll say it again, I love being in my thirties. Maybe it's because I'm a recovering fat kid or maybe it's because I feel like I haven't reached my peak yet. Whatever it is I'm really loving this age. However, what comes with this age is a lot more life challenges. This whole adulting thing can be exhausting and un-expected. So while I am loving 35, I'm feeling super guilty for being happy at this age when some around me are not.

It's hard to articulate the shit that goes down when you get older. No one ever wants to admit  to things like divorces, miscarriages, depression and other life issues. They're not fun, they are really scary, but reality is that it happens. Sadly, what comes with growing older is being surrounded by stories like these and not knowing what causes them or how they can be avoided. When I hear these type of stories the first thing I ask myself is, "Was there a sign?".  While I'm not experiencing this first hand, mentally I'm trying to cope with this not for myself, but as sympathy for my friends.

2016 for us has been no walk in the park. Unfortunately we were impacted by work layoffs, not once, but twice this year which always bring stress into a family dynamic. We were lucky to bounce right back from it without feeling too phased, but this issue seems so small compared to others that can cause more damage. I'm still super content and feel good about the positive things happening in my life, but in my gut I'm feeling effects from the things friends and family are going through right now.

It's hard to tell someone, "I know how you feel" because truthfully I have no clue and I can't be that person that tries to compare my issues with something much greater. But, what I can do is listen. I'm not the best at advice and end up rambling nonsense just so it feels like it offers value. But listening I'm good at and listening I'll do.

So my kind reminder to everyone. If a loved one is going through personal challenges, listen. Have empathy and don't feel like you have to know all the answers. Sometimes listening is more valuable than anything else. If you're like me and feel guilty for things going great right now, appreciate those things. Embrace them. I'd like to think that feeling guilty is somewhat of a good thing because it's awareness that what you have is good and knowledge that things can change at any moment.

best new apps for moms

For the past few years I've been so fortunate to be a part of a wonderful new and expectant moms community through Bump Club and Beyond. I went from being a pregnant expecting mother who attended the workout classes to an active participant at their new moms brunch. This past weekend I sat on a panel with other fabulously resourceful moms to share some of my favorite new apps and services that make motherhood a little less stressful. While what I shared is great for new moms, they're awesome for veteran parents as well. So listen up because if you're in need of a little bit more time in your life, these apps might just be able to help you.

 

potty training

Urgh we're potty training. You should know that I try not to rely on Dr. Google when I need answers and when we decided to start potty training the last thing I wanted to do was read a book. It's not easy, but at the same time it doesn't have to be hard. I'm not in the camp of "Let's go on lock down for a whole week straight" because really who has time for that? However, I am on the camp of letting it happen naturally. So we came up with our own method...Pay someone else to do it for you. HA! Just kidding, I wish. No but really we came up with our own set of rules on potty training and for us, so far it's working great. So if you feel yourself lost in the sea of know it all potty training guides and want a break - here are my recommendations.

adler planetarium

It's no secret that Chicago winters are brutal and while we all suffer through it in our own painful way, I have to say that it's pretty rough with a toddler.  In fact, we dread rainy and freezing days because the chances of running around at the park or playing soccer on the field is non-existent.  So, now comes the time where we resort to all indoor activities and I have to say that one of my favorites by far is the Adler Planetarium.

soccer mom fashion

After going back and forth on whether or not we should enroll Mini into Lil Kickers, and after some convincing of people saying that our buddy had good hand/eye coordination with kicking the ball, we finally bit the bullet and with one swipe of the Mastercard I became a (dum dum dum)....Soccer Mom!  I didn't think I would be that mom who would be so involved with this activity, but alas every Saturday morning there I am running the field and cheering my little guy on, even if it's more of a scrimmage than game.  So when I take the kid to soccer every Saturday, it requires the right gear (for me and him) to make sure we're stylish enough to workout a sweat.

mom crush ~ kelley smith

Name: Kelley Smith

Stats: Married to husband Aaron, mother to Reese and Tatum, and full-time employee at marketing agency VSA Partners as a Director of Client Engagement.

Why she's crush worthy:  First and foremost anyone who works in marketing, especially on the agency side, knows that it is an extremely demanding job and it is nowhere close to a traditional 9 to 5 gig.  (Do those actually exist anymore?)  On top of that add being a mom/wife and well that pretty much eats up every hour of your day, but Kelley doesn't stop there.  She's an athlete who did (does) triathlons, active mentor at local non-profit organization Horizons For Youth and she's actively on the up in up checking out the local dining hot spots.  Oh and did I mention that she shares the same views as I do on city living?

Meet Kelley Smith and hear her views on...

mom crush ~ caitlin murray giles

Name:  Caitlin Murray Giles

Stats:  Wife, mom of three, blogger at Wee Windy City and PR/marketing maven who is the co-founder of 2 Moms Media - an integrated marketing company that specializes in creating authentic connections with consumers, specifically women and moms.

Why she's crush worthy:  Caitlin is a mom and a darn good one at that, so it makes sense that as a career she helps her clients speak to moms in a way that makes them listen.  She gets to work with great companies like Red Tricycle, Bump Club and much more, so much that you wonder when she has time to balance being a mom, wife and well-known Chicago blogger - but she does it while making it look so effortless.  

Meet Caitlin and learn how she juggles it all with her thoughts on....

mom crush ~ dinah mclean

Name:  Dinah McLean

Stats: Mother to son Duncan, wife to husband Mac (who happens to be her partner not only in life, but in business as well) and a founding Partner of Click Communications - the entertainment industry's leading digital PR and marketing agency.

Why she's crush worthy:  Aside from working in an extremely cut throat industry and succeeding at helping to promote the release of films, she is a mother who not only talks to her son about the endless possibilities that life has to offer - but she leads by example.  Not everyone can live, work along side and parent with their husbands, but Dinah has proven that it can be done.  She has a very "one day at a time" approach to life and while it is stressful to be a business owner, she tries to find time to laugh with her husband and her son...not to mention throw amazing themed parties to celebrate annual events like the Oscars.  Dinah is the type of person you admire because she embraces individuality, teaches her son to do so and never loses sight of her dreams.

Learn how Dinah does it all and get her thoughts on....

mom crush ~ johanna grange

Name:  Johanna Grange

Stats:  Wife to husband Jack,  mom to two beautiful girls (Liv & Lola), Sr. Account Executive at ChowNow and blogger/founder of 101 Things I Love.

Why she's crush worthy:  In reading Johanna's blog you automatically gravitate towards her keen sense of style, witty sense of humor, love for interior design and willingness to share the many highs/lows of life.  In every word she writes you embrace her passion and immediately think, "How does she have time to do it all and look so put together doing it?".  While she seldom mentions her full-time job in posts - she has one and she's damn good at it.  She's a woman who has great sense of style, amazing taste for food and appreciates a good glass of wine any time of day.  She's a girl after my own heart!

Meet Johanna and read how she manages to juggle many things in life without breaking a sweat.  

mom crush ~ alycia marrapodi

Name: Alycia Marrapodi

Stats:  Wife to husband Joe, mom to two very stylish kiddos (Jagger & Malia), social media & digital consultant and brainchild behind the instagram sensation LA Kids Closet.

Why she's crush worthy:  Alycia is an LA cool chick who made the tough decision of leaving her high level job as the Director of Digital Marketing at 20th Century Fox to be an independent social media & digital consultant after having her first child.  While the leap from being in a stable work environment was tough, she never lost site of continuing her career...and then some.  As if  being a wife, mom and consultant isn't enough, a little less than a year ago she started LA Kids Closet - an instagram account where she resales gently used kids clothes.  Alycia has always had a keen eye for trends and it's quite apparent that her kids are following in her fashionable footsteps, as she encourages them to embrace individuality.

Hear how Alycia does it all by reading her thoughts on...

mom crush ~ lisa fergus

Name:  Lisa Fergus

Stats:  Wife, mother, fashion blogger and co-founder of a thriving online fashion site.

Why she's crush worthy:  Right off the bat, Lisa is a person that makes you have closet envy.  Just catch a peek at her blog Stilettos and Diaper Bags and you'll see what I mean.  However, she's more than just a fashionista, wife and mother.  She is a "momtrepreneur" who turned her love for fashion into a business...all because she proclaims that she shops too much.  Her online service called Because I Shop Too Much (BISTM) gives fashionistas an opportunity to buy, sell and swap clothes with other like minded women.  In between blogging full-time and starting her own business, she whips up some tasty looking gluten-free meals and makes time to enjoy date nights with her hubby.  Lisa is a great example for moms who aspire to turn their passion into careers and motivation for us moms to live in more than those black yoga pants!

momnonymous monday

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3) Remember this is a no judgement post so feel free to vent or share positive thoughts...it's a chance to say what's on your mind and be honest.

mother (moth·er) | mom crush ~ kristin mann

My blogging hiatus gave me a little clarity on topics I want to cover moving forward and as you might have noticed from my posts in 2013 - motherhood was an adjustment for me to say the least.  While it is amazing being a mother and I'm enjoying it so much more than I thought, I found myself aspiring to be the best mom, wife, friend and employee by finding inspiration from other women.  I introduce to you my new blog post series called, Mom Crush.  Mom Crush is a series of posts that will feature inspirational, everyday moms who aspire to be the best at everything they do.  

This week's Mom Crush: Kristin Mann

Stats: Wife to husband Matt, mother to her 1.5 year old daughter Sienna and professional photographer/owner of Kristin Mann Photography.

Why she's crush worthy:  Aside from having a picture perfect family (really they are), she has a realistic yet positive outlook on life, doesn't take things for granted, embraces everyone she meets and is easily loveable with her contagious laugh. Not only that but she is a new professional photographer with pics to prove that this was the best un-planned career she could have stumbled into.  

When I asked Kristin to share some insight on all things us moms go through this is what she had to say.  Here are Kristin's thoughts on...

Marriage

• The secret to a successful marriage after having a child is...never forgetting to see each other as a couple. Its amazing the strength you can gain as a mother and wife from knowing you are still viewed as a beautiful woman. That - and a good sense of humor.  There's a lot that comes with being a parent that you simply must just laugh at. :)

• I always turn to my husband when I need...patience. Matt is my rock - and is also way calmer than I am.

• Our perfect date night is...any date night? :) You've got to make the most of any time you are able to get out together. But with Chicago being one of the best cities in the world for restaurants, we love trying new places or visiting old favorites so a nice dinner and some wine is a perfect date night. We really like Le Colonial.

• Matt and I always make time to...celebrate the special occasions.  We make sure to get away for at least an overnight trip each anniversary.  Even if its still here in Chicago, getting the chance to step away allows us to really appreciate each other.

• The best thing about being a wife is...I get to spend every day with my best friend. Its been amazing to see Matt become a father and I'm so grateful to have him as a partner watching our family grow.

Being a Mom

• The one thing I love the most about being a mother is...the honor of learning from Sienna every day. Seeing the world through her eyes - with innocence, curiosity, genuine love & joy - has brought me a whole new perspective on life.

• The best moms are the ones who...act with confidence, natural instincts and fearless love. There is no right or wrong answer in being a parent - its all about doing what works best for you and your family. The Moms I have seen who embrace this and just go with it seem the most happy and effective. Caffeine helps as well ;)

• The best thing I learned from my mom is how to….love selflessly. I can only hope I am half the mom she has been for me and my sisters.

• I aspire to be a mom who...will make my kids proud and one who raises children that are confident, kind, & happy.

On Being a Business Owner

• I started my own business because...my position as associate strategy director at an ad agency became too demanding. It required 150% of me and I wanted to continue to give that if I was working in that position - but once Sienna was born, I really couldn't give that much. I wish as parents we could clone ourselves - wouldn't that be nice? :) So I decided to take some time off to spend my days with her and have been grateful for it ever since. I had always loved photography and found myself wanting to help capture exciting moments for friends - engagements, pregnancies, new babies, etc. I started offering photo sessions as engagement or congratulatory gifts and found that the more photos I took, the more people started asking if I would take them. So for me this business wasn't a grand leap but more of a little "hop" - it happened very naturally and took off quicker than I expected. 

• The advice I have for moms who want to start their own business is...to just go for it! I'm proof that a hobby, interest, or passion can turn into a way to extend business experience into something completely different - and it doesn't have to be a huge endeavor - you can make it what you want it to be!

On Friendship

• Since becoming a mom, I learned...to focus on friendships worth the effort. Limited time forces you to evaluate who really brings out the best "you" which is a great gift. I am grateful that I am able to fully appreciate the best friends in my life. I also realize that these women are not only in my life but my daughters as well. Knowing they will be an example for her makes me even more appreciative of their amazing qualities.

• My greatest friendships are...the ones that feel effortless with those I am most myself around and who make me want to be a better person.

On Herself

• If I had an extra hour in the day, I would spend that time...getting a massage or facial - but then again, I guess that would require an extra $150 a day too (darn!)

• Despite a crazy schedule I always make time to...workout.  I always try to set that alarm an hour earlier to fit in a yoga class or hit the treadmill before Sienna gets up.  As hard as it is to first get moving, I'm always so happy when I'm there and it always seems to make the day better.

• What people don’t know about me is...I did musical theater all the way through college and almost moved to New York to pursue a career in it after graduating. I'm a big believer in things working out the way they are supposed to - but every now and then I really miss belting out a good power ballad.

See what I mean?  Total mom crush, right?  To learn more about Kristin and her amazing photography visit Kristin Mann Photography.