The Company Women Should Keep

Growing up friends were my family. Everyone at some point in their life says that and for me it rings true. There have been times in my life where my friends were the ones who were there for me when I didn't have family close by. In some ways I give my friends a lot of credit for who I am today. I know it's a bold statement, but think about it this way. Your friends introduce you to many things you haven't been exposed to and if you end up loving that thing to the point it becomes a hobby, career or interest, wouldn't you give your friend credit for it? See, friends are pretty significant.

Now that I'm in my mid-thirties and have gone through a lot of adulting, I'm realizing that having different buckets of friends provide a lot of value. Sure there are a lot of people who combine their groups of friends like a mixed bag of bulk candy, but sometimes having your friends separated brings a whole lot of perspective into your life. So, as someone who values my groups of friends, here are a few I think everyone woman should have in her life!

Common interest friends: Blogging has given me an opportunity to meet so many wonderful friends and ones who have stuck by me even throughout my hiatus. Not only that but beyond blogging we have so many other things in common like our kids ages (hence the picture of Liam and Leyla's son Luke) love for food or fashion, that these friendships have evolved. Having friends who share the same passion for a hobby or interests are even more important when your closest circle of friends don't share the same love for those things. 

Couple friends: "Couple friends" are the best to keep around to keep your relationship in tact. While I love date nights, sometimes having couple date nights are better because there is only so much talk you can do with your spouse that you haven't already covered throughout the week. Especially if you've been together for a long time, sometimes you need to go on double dates to shake things up a bit. Couple friends are also those that will take every life stage around the same time you do like marriage, kids, buying a house, etc. Sometimes it's just nice to have friends that are at your pace.

Friends for yourself: Every woman needs friends that aren't tied to her significant other. It's true. While you obviously want your friends to get along with your partner, you need a friend that is just your friend. These friends are the ones that will give you perspective and someone you can confide in without feeling guilty that they may have loyalty to your partner. And if it's a single girlfriend, even better. They'll give you the 411 on the dating front and may even let you help them find their next Bumble date.

Childhood friends: It may be months or years since you've last seen each other, but you know that with one call you'll pick up right where you've left off. These are the people that you've rebelled with, hit puberty with, drank your first beer or smoked your first joint with - let's just say a whole bunch of epic shit you can never forget. While you may have less things in common now that you're older, there's no one else who can ground you more than the people who helped influence who you are today.

Work friends: These are the people that see you the most throughout the week. Aside from your legit family, these are people who will see the the many sides of who you are. You'll buttheads with them, get drunk with them, laugh your ass off at any given time, and on un-expected emotional days they may even see you cry. Just like real family, sometimes you don't get to choose who they are, but they're the best people to keep you going throughout the day.

Neighbors: When my neighbor texted me the other day to say I had a package in the mailbox, the first thing I thought to myself was, "Man, I love having neighbor friends." These people will have your back when you're not looking. No really. When Liam is playing too close to the street and I'm occupied doing something else, our neighbor will tell him what's up. Having people live so close to you are the best people to make your house feel like a real home.

Last but not least, Mom friends: Ladies, being a mom is tough and while I love my husband, sometimes the only other people that get my breed of crazy is other moms. My mom friends help me feel less guilty about what I'm not doing as a mom and reassure me that I'm doing ok. Even on those days where I feel like I've failed, these ladies lift me up, buy me a glass of wine and tell me my kid will be alright. It's a different kind of sisterhood I didn't expect to find when Liam started daycare or school, but one that I've welcomed with open arms. Every mom needs mom friends to empower you and tell you that you're a great mom, especially on those days when you don't feel like it.

Guilty

I've said this before and I'll say it again, I love being in my thirties. Maybe it's because I'm a recovering fat kid or maybe it's because I feel like I haven't reached my peak yet. Whatever it is I'm really loving this age. However, what comes with this age is a lot more life challenges. This whole adulting thing can be exhausting and un-expected. So while I am loving 35, I'm feeling super guilty for being happy at this age when some around me are not.

It's hard to articulate the shit that goes down when you get older. No one ever wants to admit  to things like divorces, miscarriages, depression and other life issues. They're not fun, they are really scary, but reality is that it happens. Sadly, what comes with growing older is being surrounded by stories like these and not knowing what causes them or how they can be avoided. When I hear these type of stories the first thing I ask myself is, "Was there a sign?".  While I'm not experiencing this first hand, mentally I'm trying to cope with this not for myself, but as sympathy for my friends.

2016 for us has been no walk in the park. Unfortunately we were impacted by work layoffs, not once, but twice this year which always bring stress into a family dynamic. We were lucky to bounce right back from it without feeling too phased, but this issue seems so small compared to others that can cause more damage. I'm still super content and feel good about the positive things happening in my life, but in my gut I'm feeling effects from the things friends and family are going through right now.

It's hard to tell someone, "I know how you feel" because truthfully I have no clue and I can't be that person that tries to compare my issues with something much greater. But, what I can do is listen. I'm not the best at advice and end up rambling nonsense just so it feels like it offers value. But listening I'm good at and listening I'll do.

So my kind reminder to everyone. If a loved one is going through personal challenges, listen. Have empathy and don't feel like you have to know all the answers. Sometimes listening is more valuable than anything else. If you're like me and feel guilty for things going great right now, appreciate those things. Embrace them. I'd like to think that feeling guilty is somewhat of a good thing because it's awareness that what you have is good and knowledge that things can change at any moment.

Life's Little Shortcuts

Someone should have told me that a part of being a mom is constantly finding shortcuts to everything.

Want to catch up girlfriends without sacrificing time with your husband and/or child, but also need to squeeze in your workout? Shortcut: Long 2+ mile walks with your friend a on Saturday morning while you push your stroller.

Want to try the latest restaurant but also need to find time to socialize and have adult conversations? Shortcut: Attend networking events at a bar/restaurant on your "must try" list.

Being a mother means that with your busy life you get by with help...lots and lots of it. I mean why do you think us moms love wine so much?  I'm coming to terms that taking the easy way out isn't always so bad.

dressing for every holiday occasion

Tis the season.  That season to gift give, gather with your loved ones, but most importantly dress up for all those holiday festivities...even in the sub-zero temperatures.  With many types of celebrations that range from low-key office parties to more formal family affairs it's tough to choose what to wear, but with a great site like ShopLately  you can elevate what you already have in your closet for any holiday occasion.

Photo credit for this post: Cleodine Photography

how to make time for friends

It's not a mom thing.  It's not a "I'm married or in a relationship" thing.  It's a life thing.  Making time for friends is tough.  In middle school and high school all we had was time.  Time to hang with friends at every free moment of the day or ramble on endlessly on the phone until you both passed out while still connected...silently snoring to one another on the other end of the line.  But, as we get older, life happens and the window of time for friends gets smaller and smaller.  So how do you find time amidst a busy life schedule?  Like everything else that matters in your life, you make time for it.

teaching my son about friendship

As we approach Liam's 2nd birthday, I'm starting to realize that this is right around the age where first friendships form.  Whether it be through daycare, playgroups, parents' friends - this is the age where the idea of playing with others begins to develop into something more meaningful.  As I watch Liam grow these special relationships, I find myself collecting all the tidbits of advice that I want to share with him and can only hope he takes all of it to heart as he gets older.

life (layhf) | the social experiment

2, 655.  That is the total number of people I'm linked to through my social sites.  Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Instagram and Pinterest.  That is a shit (pardon my francais) load of people. I'm not going to do, what everyone expects me to do - which is freak out (name that movie).

But seriously, I'm not going to start un-friending people.  Instead I'm going to do the complete opposite.  I'm going to get personal.  I'm going to email, message and ping every single one of those people (okay, okay most of the people).  Why?  Because these days it's so easy to "friend", "follow" or "connect" with someone you're acquainted with without ever creating a meaningful relationship.

The most important thing I've learned since establishing myself in the professional world, is that you have to create meaningful relationships.  Every introduction, every handshake, every non-chalant hello can make a world of difference in your life.  So if you and I are connected virtually don't be surprised if you see a note from me to say "Hello".

|Do you keep in contact with all of your online connections? How do you build meaningful relationships?|

life (layhf) | this week's little things

Each week I feel like there is a theme and the inspirational moments come to me at the most random times.  This week's little things are truly inspired by friendship.  A call, an email, a text message, a letter (all that are non-work related of course) - think about how each form of communication from a friend can make your day.  Now think about how much more meaningful it is when it's someone you haven't heard from in a long time or someone that you thought would be an unlikely friend.  It's moments like those that make my week.  Don't you just love when the un-expected pleasantly surprises you?

|What little things happened to you that made your week?|