The Conversation about Kids

Lately many of my conversations have been centered around the question of having kids. I have a good mix of friends who are single, married without kids and married with kids, but this topic of having kids has come up a lot lately. Like on the daily. I'll start off by saying that I support whatever your decision is on this to have kids or not have kids pendulum. To each their own and if you know kids are right for you then you go Glen Coco! So for those who are on the fence, let me share some perspective. Not to change your mind, but hopefully solidify what the right decision is for you.

Liam was unexpected. He wasn't planned, but he wasn't not planned if that makes sense. It just happened. In fact when I found out I woke up Matt at 6am after taking 2 tests, cried tears of uncertainty and asked Matt, "Is this ok?" That should be a red flag when you take a pregnancy test right? That I wasn't happy but I was more like "OH FUCK!" Truth be told the first things that crossed my mind was, what is going to happen to our Europe vacation, how are we going to afford this, then is Matt going to be pissed. Well spoiler alert folks - it all ended up ok in the end, but that's not the end of my story.

I've never been a maternal person. I personally always thought that kids were a natural progression of life so kids were always part of the picture, but was I dying to have kids? No. However, life (the little shit it is) works in funny ways and turns out that having a kid saved me, actually us, in ways that we didn't realize. See, Matt and I pre-child were good. Good as in content. Our careers were going good, we finally got to travel more and were able to indulge in things without thinking about how it's eating into our monthly budget. We were good, but when we had Liam it became better and here's how:

Careers: People talk about how kids sometimes makes people re-evaluate their careers and in some cases forego careers temporarily. In our case, it enlightened us to work harder, better and find jobs that we love. Matt worked in finance and hated almost every minute of it. I worked at a great company with great people but would have been totally complacent if I didn't have Liam. Having a child was the right motivation we needed to not only work hard to still enjoy the lifestyle we lead, but he also empowers us to not settle for something that won't make us happy. Why show a kid how to go to a lifeless job you hate, when you should be supporting their life choices to do what they love?

Personal interests: I always say that you can see a parent's best trait in their kids. Having a child keeps you youthful and is a constant reminder of much more there is to live in life. As Liam is finding his groove in activities he likes or doesn't like, I'm re-establishing a connection with some of the things I lost interest in as I got older. Music, playing sports, or even just getting dirty at the playground makes you more aware of what you can still do now as an adult. It's been fun exploring new interests or re-kindling with things I once loved doing...and it's especially fun when I have my buddy to share those moments with me.

Marriage: Ahhh this is the big one because I'm a TRUE believer that people should never have kids to save a marriage. We definitely didn't have a child to save our marriage, but sometimes it feels like he happened to do just that. Had we not had Liam, I think we would have been ok without having kids. Living a life just the 2 of us. But Liam brought our relationship to a whole new level that has made us stronger. Before we felt like a married couple who are vastly different from one another, but it worked because in our case opposites attract. But now we feel like a unified team. We may not agree on hobbies and our personalities may be different, but when it comes parenting and our lifestyle we couldn't be more unified. Overall we have a greater appreciation for each other and I'll just leave this topic by say that everything all around is much better!

Views on life: Perspective. The biggest thing that having a kid has done to me is given me perspective. Without a child I felt like everything happening to me at that moment was the end all be all. But having Liam changed all that. It made me selfless, aware of others around me and is a constant reminder that this moment now (today, tomorrow or next week) is just a blip on the screen. It really is. With a child in the picture you get to experience things in a different way than you did growing up, maybe in some cases better and you realize that there is so much more to life than the things that consume your day to day.

So in a nutshell. I'll leave you with something I told someone last week when we were discussing this very topic. Not a day goes by where I wish I had my life before Liam. To me that says a lot cause I loved my life pre-child, but my life now is way better in ways that I only hope others can experience.

The Meaning of Christmas...Cards

We had a quick chat about Christmas cards the other day at work and it was interesting to see that there were mixed opinions. A few that said, it wasn't their thing and others who said they liked them. I for one am in the camp of loving them. Ok fine I was probably the most vocal about loving Christmas cards, but there's a reason why. In the Green household (ie: my small family of 3), Christmas cards are kind of a big deal. Sadly I can't take any credit for it because Matt is the brain child behind it all and since we seem to always out do ourselves every year based on people's reactions, I'll continue to let him have this one. While we're not a family to follow traditions, our Christmas cards are one that we're known for and while they can be somewhat offensive to some, our cards have one purpose: Bringing joy to our friends!

It all started back in 2010 when my husband, the man with the driest sense of humor, decided that we were going to super impose ourselves onto another family's Christmas card to bring the gift of laughter to our loved ones. What started off as an experiment, and meant to be only a one time thing, has evolved into this conversational piece during the holiday season that has people asking us to include them on our mailing list and saying things like, "I can't wait to see your holiday card this year!" 

2010 Christmas Card

One year we placed our faces over the nativity scene, myself as Mary and Matt as Joseph. And when Liam was born we upped our game. Taking on those awful 80s photos headfirst and posing for family portraits in ugly Christmas sweaters a la Awkward Family Photos. As you can imagine, the woman at the Target portrait shop was having fun with our request.

2013 Christmas Card

Poor Liam was born into this tradition and until he's 18, or finally realizes what kind of embarrassment we are as parents, he's kind of stuck with it. Since the first card, we've evolved our approach, tackling on current events. Taking the most buzz worthy moments of the year and placing ourselves in those memorable events. With 2016 being focused on politics you can imagine that we had to follow the biggest news of all and Liam had no issues nailing this facial expression on the first try.

2016 Christmas Card | Card design via Minted

So you see, while Christmas cards are a great way to wish your friends and families a happy holiday, we see it as something a little more. While we would love to provide gifts to many of our friends, the closest we can get to it is the gift of laughter. It's a gift of small monetary value, but our offering behind it is whole hearted.

Happy Holidays to all!

Guilty

I've said this before and I'll say it again, I love being in my thirties. Maybe it's because I'm a recovering fat kid or maybe it's because I feel like I haven't reached my peak yet. Whatever it is I'm really loving this age. However, what comes with this age is a lot more life challenges. This whole adulting thing can be exhausting and un-expected. So while I am loving 35, I'm feeling super guilty for being happy at this age when some around me are not.

It's hard to articulate the shit that goes down when you get older. No one ever wants to admit  to things like divorces, miscarriages, depression and other life issues. They're not fun, they are really scary, but reality is that it happens. Sadly, what comes with growing older is being surrounded by stories like these and not knowing what causes them or how they can be avoided. When I hear these type of stories the first thing I ask myself is, "Was there a sign?".  While I'm not experiencing this first hand, mentally I'm trying to cope with this not for myself, but as sympathy for my friends.

2016 for us has been no walk in the park. Unfortunately we were impacted by work layoffs, not once, but twice this year which always bring stress into a family dynamic. We were lucky to bounce right back from it without feeling too phased, but this issue seems so small compared to others that can cause more damage. I'm still super content and feel good about the positive things happening in my life, but in my gut I'm feeling effects from the things friends and family are going through right now.

It's hard to tell someone, "I know how you feel" because truthfully I have no clue and I can't be that person that tries to compare my issues with something much greater. But, what I can do is listen. I'm not the best at advice and end up rambling nonsense just so it feels like it offers value. But listening I'm good at and listening I'll do.

So my kind reminder to everyone. If a loved one is going through personal challenges, listen. Have empathy and don't feel like you have to know all the answers. Sometimes listening is more valuable than anything else. If you're like me and feel guilty for things going great right now, appreciate those things. Embrace them. I'd like to think that feeling guilty is somewhat of a good thing because it's awareness that what you have is good and knowledge that things can change at any moment.